Arrested.....

So here's a fun trick, go to Google, type in "(your first name) was arrested for" and see what comes up. Here's a sampling of mine:

1.) Kim was arrested for allegedly entering the victim's backyard, shooting him once in the head with a handgun and fleeing.

2.) Kim was arrested for burglary at George Fox College by Newberg Police May 13 on a search warrant that found more than 1,000 items including large quantities of women's underwear.

3.) At the tender age of fifteen, young Kim was arrested for the first time, after the Chinese discovered that [s]he had helped to found a communist youth league.

4.) Kim was arrested for kitten juggling. (I have no idea what kitten juggling is, but it sounds like a fun thing to be arrested for.)

A Tale of Two Sisters

A bonus joke for you today. My dad sent this to me via email (yea Dad), and I felt the need to pass it on. You can't beat a good Nun joke.
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There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, Say two Hail Marys!

Worst Family Feud Answers Ever

This was posted by a friend of mine on Facebook and I laughed so hard that I'm pretty sure everyone at work now thinks I've lost my mind. Still....I wanted to share with you all.

Question: Name a former President that most people would say is honest. #1 Answer: Lincoln Worst Answer: Nixon

Question: Besides San Francisco, name a city that begins with the word San. #1 Answer: San Diego Worst Answer: Seattle

Question: Name a slang term used for important people. #1 Answer: V.I.P. Worst Answer: Buddy

Question: Name something pack rats have a hard time throwing out. #1 Answer: Photos Worst Answer: Corn

Question: Name something that might annoy a gardener. #1 Answer: Bugs Worst Answer: Not getting paid on time

Question: Name a reason a man might send his wife flowers. #1 Answer: Anniversary Worst Answer: Happy divorce

Question: Name a term used in football. #1 Answer: Touchdown Worst Answer: Fast break

Question: Name a special request people ask for when making a dinner reservation. #1 Answer: Non-smoking Worst Answer: A menu

Question: Name someone you wouldn't want to get a phone call from. #1 Answer: The police Worst Answer: Your son

Question: Name a classical music composer everyone knows. #1 Answer: Mozart Worst Answer: Julio Inglesias

Question: Tell me something specific you should drink a lot of when you're sick. #1 Answer: Water Worst Answer: Alcohol

Question: Name something you'd hate to find at the end of your nose. #1 Answer: Pimple Worst Answer: Lint

Question: Name the worst kind of shoe to run a marathon in. #1 Answer: High heels Worst Answer: Scuba flippers Louie Anderson's Response: If it's up there... I'll be surprised.

Question: Name something a person wouldn't want living in their house. #1 Answer: Relatives Worst Answer: Mold

Question: Name a musician who goes by one name. #1 Answer: Madonna Worst Answer: Reba McIntyre Louie Anderson's Response: Show me the strike.

Question: Name something you'd buy for more than a thousand dollars. #1 Answer: House Worst Answer: Pleasure equipment Louie Anderson's Response: I'm afraid to ask what that means.

Question: Name something you think would be difficult about being a waiter. #1 Answer: Taking orders Worst Answer: Falling down

Question: Name something a woman would find in her boyfriend's apartment that would make her think he was cheating. #1 Answer: Bra Worst Answer: Used condom

Question: Name something a teenage boy can do for hours at a time. #1 Answer: Video games Worst Answer: Masturbate Louie Anderson's Response: I knew somebody would say it.

Question: Name a unit of currency used in a country other than the US. #1 Answer: Peso Worst Answer: Ampere

Question: Name a reason why a woman might not want to kiss her boyfriend. #1 Answer: Bad breath Worst Answer: She doesn't love him that much

Question: Name something you do in front of your husband that you probably never did when you were dating. #1 Answer: Undress Worst Answer: Make out Louie Anderson's Response: With somebody else?

Question: Name a complaint you might have about the pizza that was just delivered. #1 Answer: It's cold Worst Answer: It went to the wrong address Louie Anderson's Response: And you just happened to be there.

Question: Name an animal many people are scared of. #1 Answer: Snake Worst Answer: Boar Louie Anderson's Response: It's terrifying.

Question: Name something you need to play Scrabble. #1 Answer: Letters Worst Answer: Dice Louie Anderson's Response: Where did you learn to play Scrabble?

Question: Name the age when a man might start to lose a lot of hair. #1 Answer: 30 Worst Answer: 14

Question: Name the best month to schedule a wedding. #1 Answer: June Worst Answer: Summer